Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
