my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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