we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
