I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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