I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
