I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
