So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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