I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
