Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
