dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It's never too late to be topless.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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