Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
