just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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