He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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