I heard we made out
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
