SEEEEXXX PLEASE
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
What a dumb baby whore.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
