At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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