$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
