So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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