mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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