And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
