he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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