You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
