Me too!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
