i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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