Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
