Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
