you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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