these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
