I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
