I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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