I murdered the dance floor call the cops
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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