I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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