just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
