Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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