Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
