So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
