Who wears a wallet chain?!
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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