you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
