I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
