why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
