i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
