Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
