i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
