I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
