Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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