'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
