what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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