I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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