why didn't you poke me back
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Randomize
