I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
