We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
