i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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