I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
