I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My dick has a subreddit
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
